Archive for February, 2003
February 26th, 2003
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Bob the Lego Builder
Finally, another pro steps up to claim some questionable loot. This should keep Tony from going crazy from all the recent ridicule. Our take on this merger is simple. Bob is fucking good at what he does. Lego is pretty fucking rad too. Put the two of them together and read some of the lines in the press release and you find that Lego is concerned with money and securing the purchases of children that ride skateboards. How in Bob’s Name did the Gravity Games TM get involved?
February 26th, 2003
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Kryptonics and Plastic Copers?
René-Philippe Knechtel is due in court to defend himself on an appeal that the city of Montreal has motioned for. A noise ordinance or some shit that he and his friend were ticketed with while skateboarding in Montreal. We ripped on Canadiens before, maybe we should just say Canadien city courts suck. “Montreal council passed a bylaw in 1996 allowing it to ban skateboarding in ANY public area.” “Maybe (city officials) are scared they won’t be able to use this bylaw to take these kids (off the streets).” ???
February 26th, 2003
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Your Face Looks Decayed
Yes, now it is, with Urban Decay. The look that “will inspire even the most radical girls on wheels to get their glitziest”. Fix your face at your own leisure by slapping on a little “Brush Grind” and finishing it off with some “Blunt”. Right. Well, looks like there’s still hope for all you ugly skate bitches out there, because this look is “a little punk, a lot of fun and oh, so sexy.” “No formulas. Just a lot of pretty pots, tubes and vials of sparkly, shimmery, shiny stuff.” We couldn’t believe it ourselves.
February 25th, 2003
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Off-Road Boarding?
“Don’t just sit there. Live life a little.” Apparently, people who are too lazy to push, invent stuff like this. “You steer the 4WD Nitro like a Snowboard, gun it like a Ferrari”. The guy in the pic does not look like he’s ever driven a Ferrari in his life, so we think he should shut up. The 4WD Nitro will be coming at you for only $5300. Can it get any more extreme than this?
February 25th, 2003
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Snow Sux Ass
Everyone get your pretty ass snow gear on. “Regardless of whether riders will choose a snowdeck or Snowskate or some other variation Sherrill predicted the boards would catch on with snowboarders, skateboarders and beyond.” “It’s going to be huge.” We found so many of these fucking things that we stopped digging for links. Just stay in the lodge and drink, or stay Ghetto.
February 24th, 2003
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Got Shit on Lock
Skimthefat.com sent us all kinds of good stuff over the weekend. Spoonfish Boardlocks were “kept small and out of the way so you will be able to pull all the latest new school moves without worrying about getting ripped off!” We don’t know what the latest school moves are, but Gentry has an idea.
February 21st, 2003
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TGIF Fanmail
“shut the hell up. skateboarding saved my life. Mike Vallely is the Jesus Crist of skateboarding.” - Max Mateikis
February 20th, 2003
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They Don’t Learn
We posted a similar link in December. But they still haven’t learned. Freelxx made it prettier and got some tits and ass to model the thing. Is this a decent attempt at trying to sell us a “beautiful” pile of shit? Thanks to skatemag for reporting this to us. mandatoryinformation has good pics of Rosa. She gives us epileptic fits.
February 19th, 2003
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Exercise Your Lazy Ass
“Kids like the VersaFitter because it is like an indoor skate board that bounces back.” Be sure you check out the exercises. Wear a helmet and be the best balancer you can be. Why do these fitness companies insist on marketing their products with models that are ugly as sin? Nice legs kook! Fitter also makes other stuff for those of you with inner-ear problems. Check out the Bongo Board and the BoarDRocK.
February 18th, 2003
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Fly or Die Bra
Sometimes a fruitball gets a hampster up his ass and decides to put wings on shit and jump out of planes. Shit fell off the shuttle wing and it was built by Nasa. If this crap fell apart and smacked you in the face you would look as dumb as fabio getting off a rollercoaster. Put some wheels on fruitcake.