Archive for January, 2004
January 23rd, 2004
Posted in Uncategorized
Baldwin is Robbin Hoodz & Livin It
Stephen Baldwin might actually know how to ride a skateboard but we aren’t sure of it so we’ll give him the benefit of the doubt and just wonder if the path to Jesus Christ is a 12 Step path. Everyone knows a 12 Step hammer is the best way to talk to the Lord. He’s working on another program that is of interest to us also. Robbin Hoodz sounds like a great piece of shit that we will all be dying to watch. We know where all the good juice is coming from Steve but we don’t like his shoes. Keep God off of my Spitfires because they are as devilish as Scott Starr’s Tail Devils and we’ll throw fire and brimstone at you for the remainder of your visit within our “subculture”… Who’s your sponsor?
January 22nd, 2004
Posted in Uncategorized
Flowlab + NASDAQ = Done
When you make a ridiculous product for ridiculous people how funny is it to see the company go public? If you model your product after a pre-existing product and you watch the largest company in that market go public and then go straight into the toilet… What kind of financial advisor are you using? A woman with a coke habit? We call you FlowFlap for a reason.
January 21st, 2004
Posted in Uncategorized
Skateboard Economics Without Wax
Ten years of getting paid like a “backup quarterback” just isn’t enough for some of the pros in our game. Year after year they go back to those damn games. The executives might not know that most skateboarders really go there to party and we allow ourselves to be exploited so we have beer money to party with. Are they being compensated for their talent? Apparently not as much as they should? The last boycott sucked. It is fun to entertain what would really happen if everyone actually managed to completely ignore the entity of the x-games starting right now. A few executives would lose a lot of millions and a few pros might lose a total of less than 5 people on a losing team’s offensive line? Fuck espndorks.
January 16th, 2004
Posted in Uncategorized
We Call It An Axe For A Reason
Ever have a good set of trucks laid up-side your head? Looks like it’s going to be a lot rougher traveling some parts of this Earth with your axe. That Sux. One of our greatest joys is walking onto an airplane with nothing but a skateboard. Everyone looks at you with their business or family vacation eyes and wishes they had the ability to travel and skate all over the world. Isn’t that feeling great? Looks like it will soon be a thing of the past. “EU officials were unable to provide the detailed risk assessment for skateboards as a tool of terror but insisted the ban came from European security agencies.” A tool of terror huh?
January 15th, 2004
Posted in Uncategorized
Big Brother Magazine RIP -off
The rumor has been floating around for some time now that the boundary pushing magazine Big Brother is going to be closing up shop. Everytime we hear it we ask the same question… Again?? We don’t really like to think the rumor is true because it would mean a lot less quality time on the toilet. God Bless Dave Carnie. Thanks to Larry Flynt for a few extra years. Thanks to all the heads that put their lives into a great magazine. But Sux would like to drive a big red hot iron stake up the new webguy’s asshole for fully biting our shit. Hope you got paid well for your work kook. The Skateboard Mag has a clean fucking roadway ahead. Push even more boundaries and ask your web department to keep up on ORIGINAL design and content.
January 15th, 2004
Posted in Uncategorized
The G5 Skateboard
“Do you need to frequently move your behemoth G5 around your home, studio or office? If so, you know it can be quite a chore. Thanks to Power Support’s G5 Skateboard, your G5 can now skate to wherever it needs to go.” Rad. Looks like Larry Flynt can buy a bunch of these and roll all those machines back into his pr0n shop where the gauranteed loot is… couldn’t they just put more pussy in the mag? Sad.
January 15th, 2004
Posted in Uncategorized
X-Dance Fiasco
“FOURTH ANNUAL X-DANCE ACTION SPORTS FILM FESTIVAL, presented by DC SHOES. X-Dance is a mind-blowing celebration of action sports culture, film, music and video games.” This was a marketing mistake according to us. What do you think?
January 14th, 2004
Posted in Uncategorized
The Miami Herald Don’t Skate
…And they sure as hell don’t relate. Yeah Right! Sometimes you just have to read stuff. We promise you that you will enjoy this little piece. Cheers to the informer.
January 14th, 2004
Posted in Uncategorized
Extreme Segway Human Transporter Crap
Holy fucking Joey McSqueeb! “…on this site you can see pictures of people using their Segway Human Transporter in a whole new way! First you saw it with (actual quote removed because the two words = dorks), now with the new Segway Human Transporter its a whole new level! We hope this actually materializes into something we can make fun of for years. Brilliant! Maybe we’ll see them transporting around the acreage that Slap pointed out.
January 9th, 2004
Posted in Uncategorized
Go Fly A Fucking Kite Mirra
Happy 2004 suckas! We have a lot in store for you this year. We’ll start off by fucking the industry with a few good reader submissions. Win Dave Mirra’s BMX shoes on Skateboardermag.com?? Cross-Marketing stupidity. Unless Skateboarder gets some loot from the other industry this is just fucking dumb. And xkites are almost fun if you collect dumb shit. Look out nerds. This year we fuck em all. Thanks to Slap and some dude that sent us mail.
